The Power of Proximity
By: David B. Sarnoff, Esq. Executive Coach with David Robert, Chief Strategy Officer, Loeb Leadership
By now, most of us have been sheltering in place for six weeks or more. As we adapt to remote working, captive living, and unrelenting worry, many of us are awakening to an appreciation for past experiences, ones that, in many cases, we may have taken for granted. While in quarantine I have engaged in numerous phone and video calls with clients and friends as a replacement for my preferred in-person networking and relationship building and a theme from those discussions has emerged: partners, in particular, are struggling with the absence of in-person workplace interactions and collaboration. This theme is consistent with a key finding from our recent law firm survey, which suggested that the top 3 challenges faced by people in law firms were general anxiety, isolation and loneliness, and challenges with communicating in a virtual setting.
In a recent conversation with a litigation partner at a global law firm based in New York, he expressed a yearning for the opportunity to once again be with his team in the office. He said, “you lose something by not being in the office: the collaboration, the creative energy, and just being in the same room together and having proximity.” He went on to say that at partner retreats and meetings, it was the time spent socializing and relationship building that enhanced their bond. Those interactions also presented opportunities for partners to learn more about each other’s background, common interests and industry relationships that would be mutually beneficial. While this partner commended his firm for getting up and running on an operational level, he has found the interpersonal aspects of remote work far more difficult to replicate.
In a separate conversation, a partner at a mid-sized firm lamented on the inability to meet colleagues for lunch in the firm’s cafe to share stories of a lively client call, or to catch up on weekend plans, compare reactions to the latest Netflix hit, or weigh in on the recent news headlines. When I inquired about what activities she has adopted while working remotely to stay engaged, she provided details of a recent “Zoom” lunch that her team organized. “It just didn’t feel the same for me,” she said. While technology has been useful to keep lines of communication open, it’s falling short in its effort to help us maintain close relationships and the continued strengthening of trust. “Looking back,” she said, “I wish I had created more opportunities to spend time with my colleagues. Now that it’s not physically possible, it feels like a huge loss.”
These partners are not alone. A third partner I spoke with recently shared feelings of exhaustion after engaging in lengthy video calls. He expressed frustration with what he saw as a departure from giving people the benefit of the doubt. “On these video calls, I feel like I’m being watched non-stop and I need to constantly be focused on the camera so people see that I’m engaged and listening.” He may be referring to something called contextual engagement or using non-verbal cues to communicate and interact. “When we were in the office, I could get up to grab coffee or stretch my legs and no one made a fuss,” he said. “Now, I’m hesitant to turn off my video so I can grab something to drink. It’s exhausting. I leave these meetings with a stiff neck, sore shoulders and eye strain.”
While we can’t fully recreate the in-person experience in a virtual environment, there are strategies to make it a more positive and interpersonal experience. In her book, Smart Collaboration, Heidi Gardner, a Distinguished Lecturer at Harvard Law School, talks about building “internal and external networks,” at law firms. Dr. Gardner encourages law firm partners to meet individually with colleagues to learn about each other’s story and explore the opportunity to build upon personal and professional relationships that provide business opportunities for both parties and the firm. This practice serves multiple purposes. It builds personal connections, trust and collaboration, while also providing networking opportunities with colleagues. This is also an excellent way to engage people we don’t yet know, virtually, and be able to build upon these relationships once firms bring their people back to the office.
Other tips for building meaningful connections while working remotely include:
· Reach out to a fellow partner in a different practice area who you do not know well and schedule a call or video for 20-30 minutes to learn about your colleague’s personal background, professional focus and relationships, as well as to share experiences about how you are both living through the COVID-19 pandemic. It’s important to stay connected while also staying informed and prepared for when business picks up again.
· Check in on your associates, paralegals, secretaries and business services professionals to provide support, relay information, and catch up on a personal level. Demonstrating authentic empathy and compassion to people who may be struggling with anxiety, isolation and uncertainty is greatly appreciated and will be remembered.
· Use this time to re-establish the rules that will guide your work, particularly as they relate to virtual communication. You may consider establishing how often you’ll meet with your team virtually, etiquette surrounding video meetings and the use of cameras, and giving others the benefit of the doubt.
· Don’t let perfection be the enemy of good. In-person interactions may be ideal to you, and we will return to those at some point but make the best of what you have available. And be sure to include others in envisioning what the near future will look like.
· Accept that you may not have control over what comes your way, but you do have control over how you handle it. A good metric for measuring how well you’re responding to the uncertainty is to pause at the end of each week and ask yourself whether you feel you did enough that week to stay connected to others. If you’re honest with yourself, you just might spark some new ideas on how to continue to improve.
Lastly, let us leave you with a quote from the great Maya Angelou: “People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.”