6 Ways to Improve Your Influencing Skills
From the publication in 1936 of Dale Carnegie’s best-seller, How to Win Friends and Influence People, to the marketing world’s current exploitation of social media influencers to gain market share, the ability to influence has been considered key to success in business for decades.
So, what exactly is influence and why does it matter?
Merriam-Webster defines influence as “the power or capacity of causing an effect in indirect or intangible ways.” In the business world, that boils down to getting people to do what you want – not because you told them to, but because they are convinced it’s the right thing to do.
Dorie Clark, author of Entrepreneurial You, says that when you have the ability to influence, “You get more done and you advance the projects you care about and are responsible for.” According to Clark that translates into you being “more likely to be noticed, get promoted, and receive raises.” And while the ability to influence can benefit you personally, it also helps those you lead because they feel collaborated with and listened to rather than ordered about.
In today’s world of myriad digital distractions, taking the time and energy needed to build influence is harder than ever. We, and our colleagues, work so quickly and are often stretched so thin that learning how to build constructive influence sometimes falls by the wayside.
Below are a few suggestions that might help you build your influence as a leader in your company or firm.
Build Trusted Relationships.
Building trust requires honesty and transparency. If your colleagues don’t trust you—your intentions, your integrity, your consistency—then even the most compelling arguments will fall flat. People are more likely to be persuaded by someone they respect and believe has their best interests in mind.
To build that foundation, start by practicing transparency. Share what you know. Be honest about what you don’t. When you communicate openly and regularly, you demonstrate that you’re not withholding information or pushing a hidden agenda. This builds credibility, a cornerstone of influence.
Trust also grows when you invest in relationships without strings attached. Offer help. Celebrate others' successes. Ask questions about what matters to your coworkers. These seemingly small actions foster goodwill, which often translates into stronger support when you need buy-in on big ideas.
Consistency matters here too. People need to know you’ll show up the same way every day—reliable, respectful, and steady. As you establish yourself as a dependable team member, your influence will begin to grow naturally.
Leadership skills training in New Jersey and other regions often starts with trust-building as a foundational skill. That’s because without trust, no amount of persuasion techniques will work in the long term.
Listen.
One of the fastest ways to improve your influence is to listen—truly listen. When people feel heard, they are more likely to listen in return. Active listening signals that you value others' input, and it opens the door for more meaningful conversations.
Effective listening goes beyond nodding or waiting for your turn to speak. It means giving your full attention, making eye contact, putting your phone away, and asking thoughtful follow-up questions. It means responding with curiosity, not judgment.
When you listen deeply, you uncover what motivates others, what they care about, and what challenges they’re facing. These insights allow you to tailor your message in ways that resonate, making your ideas more persuasive and your leadership more inclusive.
Listening is also a core component of emotional intelligence, a critical skill for those who want to build long-term influence. Leaders who are in tune with their teams are more effective in guiding change, resolving conflict, and inspiring action.
If you’re working to develop influencing skills, start by improving your listening habits. You’ll be surprised how much more influence you have when others feel truly understood.
Be Consistent.
Consistency is a powerful and often underestimated element of influence. When your behavior, decisions, and communication are reliable over time, people begin to trust not only what you say—but how you’ll show up in every situation. That trust becomes the bedrock of your influence.
Consistency means showing up with the same level of professionalism, attention to detail, and follow-through across projects and conversations. If one week you’re fully engaged and responsive, and the next you’re distracted or disengaged, your credibility erodes. It becomes harder for others to depend on you, and as a result, they’ll be less likely to support your ideas or initiatives.
Consistency also applies to your values and how you treat others. If you hold yourself to a standard of fairness, respect, and accountability, people will notice—and they’ll be more inclined to support you because they know where you stand.
Being consistent doesn't mean being inflexible. You can evolve your ideas and grow as a leader while still maintaining a dependable presence. What matters most is that your core approach remains steady.
If you're participating in influencing training or leadership development, consistency is a key area of focus. It's what makes influence sustainable over time, especially in high-pressure environments.
Be Confident.
Confidence is one of the most visible and immediate signals of influence. When you speak with clarity, stand behind your ideas, and demonstrate conviction, others are more likely to take your message seriously. Confidence creates a sense of leadership presence—an intangible quality that makes people want to listen, follow, and engage.
But confidence isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about preparation, poise, and clarity. When you take the time to research your ideas, understand your audience, and anticipate questions, you can present your perspective with grounded authority. That’s the kind of confidence that earns respect and builds influence.
It’s also important to recognize the difference between confidence and arrogance. Arrogance shuts people down; confidence brings them in. A confident leader invites discussion, listens to others, and remains open to feedback. This balance allows you to advocate strongly for your position while still being receptive to new ideas—a combination that earns trust and expands your influence.
If you're looking to grow your leadership influencing skills, confidence should be a focus area. This is often a central theme in leadership coaching and leadership skills training in New Jersey and beyond, where professionals learn how to speak with impact, manage resistance, and engage with both humility and strength.
Compromise When You Can.
One of the misconceptions about influence is that it’s about winning. In reality, some of the most effective influencing skills involve knowing when to yield. Great leaders understand that compromise is not a sign of weakness—it’s a demonstration of strategic thinking and emotional intelligence.
When you compromise thoughtfully, you show others that their perspectives matter. You communicate that you're focused on long-term outcomes, not just short-term wins. This makes people more likely to support you, collaborate with you, and offer their best ideas. It also builds goodwill, which pays dividends when you’re advocating for bigger or more complex initiatives in the future.
To use compromise effectively:
Choose your battles. Focus on what really matters.
Look for shared goals. Identify areas where interests align.
Stay flexible without losing sight of your priorities.
Leadership coaching and influencing training often include practical exercises to help leaders develop these negotiation and compromise skills. When you know how to assess a situation, understand competing needs, and offer a flexible but firm approach, your influence grows.
Being adaptable doesn’t mean being passive. It means knowing when and how to give, so that progress continues and relationships remain intact.
Be Personable.
Influence isn’t just about logic and strategy—it’s also deeply personal. People are far more likely to be influenced by someone they like and enjoy working with. Being personable doesn’t require you to be extroverted or overly social. It simply means showing warmth, empathy, and interest in the people around you.
When you’re approachable, colleagues feel more comfortable engaging with you, asking questions, and sharing their own ideas. This fosters stronger working relationships and opens the door to collaboration. Influence becomes easier and more natural when people genuinely want to work with you.
Here are simple ways to build rapport:
Greet people by name and take time for small talk
Express appreciation regularly
Be respectful of others' time and perspectives
Show genuine curiosity about your colleagues' ideas and experiences
A positive demeanor also helps when tensions rise. Leaders who remain calm, kind, and constructive in tough moments earn a reputation for emotional steadiness—something teams value and remember.
If you’re working to develop influencing skills, don't overlook the role of emotional connection. Leadership isn’t just about strategy; it's about humanity. Being personable helps ensure your ideas are received with openness, not resistance.
Influence Starts from Within
Influence is not about power plays or persuasion tactics. It’s about building trust, communicating effectively, and leading with intention. The most respected and impactful leaders are those who influence through integrity, empathy, and consistency—not pressure or authority.
By focusing on trusted relationships, active listening, consistent behavior, and confidence, you lay the groundwork for influence that lasts. Compromise and kindness reinforce that influence and make it sustainable. These aren't just personality traits—they are leadership skills you can learn, practice, and refine.
At Loeb Leadership, we specialize in helping leaders at all levels develop the skills they need to lead with influence. Through leadership coaching, tailored influencing training, and leadership skills training in New Jersey and beyond, we help professionals unlock their potential and guide their organizations with clarity and impact.
Ready to explore how to gain influence and lead more effectively? Our team can help you assess where you are today and design a path for growth. Because the strongest leaders don’t force outcomes—they inspire them.
More Guidance is within reach!
Want to learn more about how to level up your leadership and influencing skills? Loeb Leadership offers leadership and executive coaching, extensive and customizable learning & development workshops, and OD & HR consulting. Our team of experts can help you find solutions. Reach out today and see what’s possible!
Leadership coaching can help you improve your influencing skills and provide you with practical experience and actionable strategies. Find out if you would be a good candidate for leadership coaching by taking our quick assessment below. This is a no-obligation assessment to get you thinking about where your strengths lie and what areas of your leadership could benefit from coaching.
[1] Clark, D. (2017). Entrepreneurial You: Monetize Your Expertise, Create Multiple Income Streams, and Thrive. Harvard Business Review Press.